Can't argue with that!

Madelyn: You're not the boss.
Scott: Well, who's the boss?
(pause - lots of thinking)
Madelyn: Jesus is the boss.

Children of our Heavenly Father

A group dedicated to gender equality in the Mormon Church called All Enlist, has asked women to wear pants to church meetings on Sunday as a show of solidarity. They’ve also asked men to wear something purple like a shirt, tie or socks (a historically common suffragette color) to show their support of the equality movement. This does not sit well with me for so many reasons. I’ve thought about this for days now and wanted to document my feelings. If you disagree, don’t read on. My intent is not to excite emotions, but simply to explain mine.

As parents of multiple children, we often give privileges to one child but not another. For example, we allow one child to stay up later than the other. We ask for one child to call home throughout the day while other we don’t. Though our children do not see equality in this, we do it because we know there is a reason behind our unequal treatment. This unequal treatment is not unchangeable. As the younger child grows up, we may change the rule to let them stay up as late as the older child. Perhaps we move to a better neighborhood and we don’t need our child to check in as often. Circumstances change, the world changes. But the fact of the matter is, our children don’t understand why there is inequality and as their parent, we just ask them to trust that we know better and that we will make things “equal” when the situation is right and when we, in our wisdom, deem the time to be right.

I believe that women and men are loved equally by the Lord. I also believe that women and men are not the same. I trust that our Heavenly Father, who loves us and has greater wisdom than us, knows when the situation is right for change to occur. His church is run by His children but if we truly have faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we believe that these men (our prophet and the apostles and other leaders of the church) direct and guide the church based on direction from Heavenly Father. And if we believe that, can’t we be patient and trust that the Lord knows what he is doing?

Is it possible to have belief in the worth of women, in the equal love of our Heavenly Father, but still accept and believe that for whatever reason, Heavenly Father has asked the church be led by men who hold the Holy Priesthood and not by women? Why must we question this as a matter of feminism? Why must we spend so much energy questioning and bemoaning the fact that women serve a mission for 18 months versus the men’s 24 months? Why do we question the guidance from the church authorities that mothers not work and raise the family in the home (where possible)? Why do we cry “it’s not fair!” in the name of equality? Can we not trust that the Lord maybe understands something that we don’t? 

Shouldn’t we spend our energies improving ourselves in any way we can, in improving our self-image, in finding ways to allow the Priesthood to impact our lives, in prayerfully asking Heavenly Father to confirm our testimonies of the gospel and in asking for the Holy Ghost to confirm that God is in control and understands things we may not?

As parents we know our children cannot understand, we ask them to trust. We don’t make changes simply because they cry for change or complain “it’s not fair”. We understand that our children do not have all the information. However, we will listen to them as they come to us calmly, asking to understand, and pleading for change. Sometimes we adjust and sometimes, we still say “though your request is valid and though I love you, trust me a bit longer as I can see the time is not yet right.”

Now all of that said, I don’t understand why, but can accept, that some women of the church do feel they are treated as lower class citizens. This is a valid feeling and some of stories I’ve heard that foster these types of feelings break my heart. Whatever that feeling is, however, Sunday worship is not the time or place to plan a political movement.

It’s not just about the pants. I would welcome anyone to church who doesn’t have a dress to wear or who feels that a dressy pair of pants is their “best dress”. I once went to church in jeans after camping out in Moab because we were not planning to stay in town till Sunday but ended up doing so. I agree with those who say that the Lord will welcome anyone who is coming to worship him. But when I know that my “best dress” is in fact a dress and I choose to wear pants to prove a point? In my mind, not appropriate.

We come to church to commune with the Lord, to partake of the sacrament and to renew our covenants with Heavenly Father. We come in humility and respect. Sunday worship is not about whining or "showing solidarity" in a political movement, it is about individuals coming to the Lord with humble hearts.

Women are smart. These women are especially smart. Surely they could find a better way and place to calmly come before the leaders of the church to express their concerns and to ask the prophet to pray for guidance. The Lord, like any of us parents, may listen to the pleadings of his children and make a change, or he may say “though your request is valid and though I love you, trust me a bit longer as I can see the time is not yet right.”

And you shall find the babe . . .

 
Maddy's favorite part of decorating the house for Christmas was this Fisher Price nativity scene. As she set it up, she proceeded to put Baby Jesus in the Stable and every other character in a big straight line in front looking in. I wish I had captured that. It was so representative of her understanding that everyone was there to see the baby. This is still good but not quite as obvious.

Of course, when we later set up the nativity on my bureau, the animals getting something to eat took precedence.

In Memory

We come here to remember those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever. May all who leave here know the impact of violence. May this memorial offer comfort, strength, peace, hope and serenity.

(from OK memorial site)

 

 

Last week I traveled to Oklahoma City for a business meeting and had some time to kill before I had to return to the airport for my flight. I went to the Oklahoma City National Memorial & Museum and it was a sobering visit. The morning of April 16, 1995, 168 people were killed in a massive explosion - the act of a terrorist. 

 

Six months after the Oklahoma City memorial was completed, on September 11, 2001, the act of terrorists was felt again. I have not been to New York. I have not been to the Pentagon. However, having just visited the Oklahoma City memorial and having just been thinking about the senseless nature of mass killing, I feel a bit more somber and sad today on the 11th anniversary of this event.

 

I don't know why people do what they do. I'm not sure that I want to actually be able to understand it. To be honest, I don't even know what to write in this post other than I'm sorry for the loss of so many. I'm sorry for the scars that terrorism leaves behind. I'm grateful for the opportunity to renew and restore what was once there. I'm grateful for the memory left behind and for these days that help me pause to feel thankful for the blessings I have. I'm grateful for my knowledge that there is life after death and we will see our loved ones again.

Heaven Is Here

About a year ago, my sister Sarah and I were talking about the blogs that we liked to keep up on. One of her favorites was NieNie Dialogues. Stephanie Nielson originally started her blog as a way to stay in touch with her Utah family when she was living back East. In August of 2008 she and her husband were in a private plane that crashed and they were both burned. Stephanie was burned over 80% of her body and was in a medicaly induced coma for many weeks and then in the hospital until the end of December of that year.

I went back to her blog posts in August 2008 and read forward - for days. you would find me in my office at 6pm after everyone had gone home reading her blog and crying as she shared her struggles and feelings and her recovery. I ached reading about her constant pain and the difficulty she had in getting back to being a mother to her four little ones. She talked about getting used to her new face and having to deal with feelings of being ugly and how to find beauty within. She shared her dad's admonition to her that "everything is under control" if we will turn our lives to the Lord. Mostly, she shared her faith, her testimony, her hope.

I feel like I know her. In fact, one evening I passed her in the lobby at Hale Centre Theatre and told my mom and other sister "that NieNie!!!". Once in the theater we saw them sitting across from us, Stephanie, Mr. Nielson and their daughers Claire and Jane. I told my companions each of their names and about their two younger boys that much surely be at home. I told them about the accident and how the recovery had been going. I told them that I wanted to badly to go over and say hello but I didn't want to interrupt their family time. At one point, I saw Stephanie take a photo of the girls and I said to my mom "that's going to be a blog pose!" Sure enough, a few days later I read about the play on NieNie Dialogues.

Sephanie recently wrote and had published a book about her experience and after Sarah  finished it, she lent it to me. I had planned on buying it (and still probably will) but hadn't yet. I sat on the couch with it Wednesday night at 11pm. "I'll just read a little bit" I told myself. Time got away from me and I noticed it was 1am. But we were in the hardest part of her recovery. "I'll just finish this section. When she goes home from the hospital then I'll quit." Of course, that didn't happen.

Finally at 3am I closed the cover of the book, I gathered up the half a box of tissues that lay crumpled around me on the couch and headed to bed. My eyes were puffy from crying and I was exhausted but I spent a good 30 minutes praying and thanking Heavenly Father for the blessings in my life. For my sweet husband and my beautiful little Maddy. For my wonderful parents, my four sisters and their husbands. For my husbands Parents and his siblings. For my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For my faith in the Savior. I thanked him for Stephanie's story and for the countless lives she has touched around the world by her ability to share her testimony in such a real, honest and unashamed way. Her story of hope and faith and love of motherhood and family touched me a great deal and I am grateful.

We all have trials. For some people they are emotional burdens, for some it is overcoming tempations. For some it is problems with our physical bodies - we are all different. I know that we are given the trials that are best suited to refining us, to preparing us to our returning to our Father in Heaven, and to humbling us and bringing us to Christ. I am grateful for the trials that I have - partially because I would not want the trials that others have. I'm grateful that our Father loves us enough to test us and polish us and to help us to "come to ourselves" as Elder Robert D. Hales reminded in General Conference earlier this month.

into my lap

My whole life I have just been blessed with things sort of falling into my lap. When I was excepted for an internship in LA back in 1999 I had planned to stay with an old roommate for the few months but unexpectedly, they moved and I found myself without a place to stay. Warren and Jennifer, from their ward, said that they would take me in. What a blessing it was that they would let me stay - a complete stranger. I am so blessed to have known them and to grow to love them for that time we spent together. Even though Warren has passed away and I don't talk with Jen very much - hardly ever, I will love them forever and great feelings of gratitude fill my heart every time I think of them. What a great sacrifice they made for me!

Once again, I have found myself the recipient of a great blessing - something that fell into my lap that could have taken much work and stress to resolve. I wrote the following email to my family on 13 June:

Hi all, just thought you'd be interested (in case you saw my facebook status) in the changes around here. Maddy and Jackson are driving Katie crazy. I was there for a half hour this morning and wanted to pull my hair out. They scream, they hit, they steal toys, they steal binkies - it is a never ending saga of fighting. So, since it was going to happen at some point anyway, Katie and I are parting ways. I talked to Linda over the weekend to see if she knew anyone and then on Monday I emailed my ward to see if anyone had a suggestion. i also posted on facebook to see if anyone there could help. i love people! They are so good to me. I had a lot of people email with suggestions and even those who didn't have suggestions emailed back with nice little comments about how they were sorry they couldn't help.

Well, Monday evening, I got an email and facebook message from Stacy. Not only will she charge me the same as I pay Katie (I thought I'd end up paying a lot more) but she lives 4 houses down!! That is wonderful. Scott can drive home and then walk down and pick Maddy up if for some reason I can't get her. Stacy and her husband Jake are one of the younger families in the ward. She has 6 kids, from 14 down to 3 (so, no babies to compete with Maddy) and she has two daughters 12 and 10 that love Maddy and are always wanting to play with her and hold her at church. They will be a great help.

Beyond all those practical things, I read Stacy's email and just felt a weight lift off. I have been so worried about making a change and how it would work out and both Scott and I felt really great about this. Then, I got the email below from her (in response to my "are you sure about this?") and it sealed the deal.
I am not only sure, but excited to tend Maddy. My girls are all excited too. Monday will be great to start. Give me a call whenever you can. Last night when I told Jake, I mentioned how I had had some hints that I might be tending Maddy. He said that he had too. Our old Stake President said that the Lord is a bad secret keeper. I think it will work out great! Stacy

So, Katie, you can stop feeling guilty about not being able to calm these two kids, looks like the timing is right and this is the time to change. I for one am always glad for the Lord to help us in making these hard decisions and I'm so glad that he has prepared Jake and Stacy for this.

I love you all,
Melissa

As I said, I am blessed - that I didn't have to search for weeks and weeks to find a sitter, that I didn't have to take her to a day care center, that I didn't have to take her to someone I didn't know, that I didn't have to ask a friend or family member to do it who would - but wouldn't really want to.

The Lord loves me and watches out for me and for that, I am extremely grateful.

Power in His Touch

I went to see Power In His Touch by Collette Call this past Monday. My sister Sarah and her 12 year old daughter Julianne were in the show together. First. I just have to say how cool it is that they were able to do that together. Being in a show is crazy and fun and exhausting but I can only imagine that this mother and daughter duo are now closer to each other because they had this opportunity to be in a show together.

So, now to the show. I don't know what I was expecting - more of an oratorio I think and less of a musical. I was surprised and happy with the show. The music was fun and interesting and evoked emotion. The Mary's Lullaby and Power In His Touch songs were powerful and made me cry. Some might say that it is not hard to get me to cray - I suppose that is true. :)

One thing that I really adored was Collette's thoughts on Judas Iscariot. I have never had a true understanding of why Judas did what he did. I suppose I can't get that because we were not there. But I've never really tried to come to an understanding. There is the old adage that someone who betrays is "a Judas" so I've always had only negative feelings associated with my thoughts of Judas. In this play, Judas is a beloved character, he has a fierce love for the Jews and a great desire to free his people from the rule of the Romans. He learns of Jesus and follows Him thinking that if this Jesus is the Messiah - He will deliver the Romans. There is a song where Judas sings about how Jesus isn't the warrior He should be and about how He just talks about love and compassion. Judas laments that this isn't the way to free the Jews! However, on the other hand - there is something in His eyes. He sings about the spirit that is felt when Jesus is near and about that spirit that attends the miracles . . . It's a very moving song - full of confusion and torment for Judas.

Judas, in the play, decides that Jesus just needs a little push to become the warrior Messiah that he is supposed to be - the deliverer that he is supposed to be. So, he decides to 'betray" Jesus forcing Him to rise up and become this man Judas is looking for. When Judas realizes that his betrayal doesn't convert Jesus into a warrior, instead, it leads to Jesus' death, he realizes what he has done and the fullness of his betrayal and commits suicide.

I liked that in this story, I loved Judas, even during his betrayal. I could understand why he would have done this horrible thing. His betrayal was not out of greed for money or disdain for Christ, but out of a love of his Jewish brothers and a desire to help Jesus to be the deliverer of the people. What he didn't realize was that Christ is a redeemer and a deliverer, He just didn't come to deliver the Jews from physical bondage like they thought the Messiah would, but to deliver all men from Eternal bondage.

My heart ached while watching Judas make his wrong choice, and I ached when he realized what he had truly done. I thought - how many times have I made a wrong choice (maybe for a good reason) because I sought to tell the Lord what to do rather than listening and doing it His way?

I have thought about this much in the past few days and truly appreciated this new insight to Judas and the fact that I have learned a little something about myself too. I'm grateful for that this Easter/Spring season when I'm focusing on being better and becoming closer to Christ.

Thank you Sarah and Julianne for a wonderful show.